I'm sorry to those of you who have been worried because I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been hectic and emotional and I've just been using every minute of down time to try to get my head straight (which really hasn't happened).
I went out and bought a temperpedic bed. It was something my mother really wanted me to buy because she felt it would help with my RA and the pain I've been in for so long. She had planned to help me buy it but she left us the weekend before we were to go shopping. Anyway, it was delivered on Wed and I am a whole different person! It was expensive and at first I had a lot of guilt for buying a mattress that costs that much but now I will tell anyone dealing with pain to do it. It's worth every single penny. In fact I went to visit Bryan and Morgan (Angela was going off to a 5 hour scrap booking day) and both Bryan and Angela commented on the fact that I was moving much better. I didn't even realize I'd done anything differently until they said it. Bry said he's never seen me go up the stairs and then down onto the floor to play with Squishy so easily.
I'm getting another tattoo as well. This one is for me and this one is the one I wanted. The artist is working on it now. It's a Japanese piece, a Koi fish turning into a dragon. The legend is that if a Koi could make it to the top of Dragon Falls it would turn into a Dragon. It represents spiritual and physical change through perseverance and trails. It's going to be on the other arm but bigger and colored than the angel.
I still haven't found a job though I haven't been looking hard. We had so much to do with cleaning out the house and everything that it hasn't been a top priority. Well, my severance pay has run out so it is now.
At this point, my goal is just getting through tomorrow. Mother's day will ALWAYS SUCK for me but this one is the worst. I can't watch TV or listen the radio. I went out a few time thinking it was better then sitting around the house but twice I had to leave a store because I saw something that started me crying and I just couldn't stop. I feel bad because it's Angela's first Mother's day and it's overshadowed by the loss of my mother. We are giving her ***edit! I just realized Angela reads this so I'll put what we got her back here after tomorrow!*** I think it will mean more to her than anything else I could have picked up.
I went to see Bryan and the baby yesterday. I'll tell you that she has been Bryan's and my saving grace through all of this. You simply can't be sad around her!
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