Well, three weeks ago today my mother left us. It's been a blur, especially the last week or so. We've started cleaning out the house, Nana is primarily at Auntie's in Melrose and I am having a really hard time adjusting.
I feel as if I'm loosing almost everything. I knew someday the family home where Nana, my mother, Bryan and I lived our lives would be sold. This is too hard though, having to deal with it this way. I have two parents, my mother and my grandmother and now they are both being taken away. I know Melrose isn't THAT far away, but it feels like she might as well be in FL. It's been hitting me hard that after the house is sold Bryan and I have no place to go back to. No more Christmas eve at Mom and Nana's. No bringing them the hanging flower pots I bought them every year for mother's day (and they are popping up at every flower stand I pass which seems to be on every corner). The phone is even shut off and I can now no longer hear my mother's voice on her answering machine.
I also never realized how often my mother filled the role of best friend to me. I remember days of phone call after phone call when I would say "It's me again mum, sorry to be a pain but I wanted to call and tell you...." or "Ma, you've called me 50 times in a row...how can you have something else to tell me?!". I would give anything for her to tell me a story she'd already told me 40 times.
Let's face it, I'm no longer a people person. Too much has happened in my life and I just don't do well with long phone conversations or hanging out with a large group of people. As much as I love you all, I'm not one to call and chat especially at an emotional time like this. Yet I never realized how often I called my mother for comfort when it came to my health issues or when I was just down or lonely. I know that I am not alone in the world. I have friends and family who care but I want my mother and no one else, as much as they try, can comfort me.
Ok, that's it for me today. I just wanted to check in because I haven't in a few days.
Love you all.
The Squishy
My mother loved her kids but she worshipped Morgan.
Mom and Morgan
I think this is my favorite, recent picture of my mother. This was on Thanksgiving. I think it's an image that will stick in my head, my mother watching over Morgan as she sleeps. <3
My Mumma and her's
My grandmother is the most important person in all of our lives but most especially in my mother's life.
Mom, Bryan and Angela
My mother was so excited about the shower and watching her face as she carried the gifts over to Bryan and Angela to open was part of what I enjoyed. She was so excited to touch every thing that would be a part of the baby's life!
Mom, Bry and Morgan
This was in the hospital the day after Morgan was born. I know this was one of my mother's happiest moments.
Me and Mumma
The fact that I'm posting a picture of myself should say something. My mother loved this picture of the two of us, I of course think I look terrible but here it is! >.>
Mom and Shirley
My mother and her best friend. I know she thanked God every day for Shirley and the kids. I always imagined them going off into the sun set like an older Thelma and Louise...only you'd hear them gabbing from a mile (or 10) away!!
My mommy about to be a Nana!
This was from Angela's baby shower. One of the girls from work gave her this pillow. She was so happy about being a Nana!!!
2 comments:
Karen,
I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing both with your mother's loss and your Fibro. I have no words to comfort you but know that I am praying everyday for you and your family. I know how close you were to your mother and even that seems so awkward to type "were" in the past tense. And I know it won't be any easier with Mother's day around the corner. As you see all the Mother's Day cards/gifts/plants and flowers, maybe one of them will be an angel talking just to you to let you know she is watching over you.
Thanks Chris. Things have been tough. This upcoming weekend we are having to finish cleaning out the house for it to go on the market. There is so much going on between there and Lloyd's mother's house that I've been running around like a crazy person.
Thanks for keeping in touch and I will be better about it myself soon. I'm just waiting for things to settle down.
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